3:00 a.m. A little girl crawls under our mosquito net and snuggles between the two of us. Our mattress is barely enough for the two of us. I try to go back to sleep, getting 15 minutes here or there, but her little body keeps shifting.
5:00 a.m. The rooster crows loud and authoritative like. He continues his alarm every few minutes for the next hour.
6:00 a.m. Both girls are awake now. I must accept that it’s over, I have lost. Sleep has evaded us and is not returning.
It’s going to be one of those days, isn’t it?
I crawl out from under the net, no joy in my heart, no grace on my lips. I slip a skirt on and step down into my sandals on the dirt floor. I cook breakfast for complaining, hungry children. My snapping words bite hard and cold at these little ones. I find my way outside later and my question comes from deep within- places that question and doubt, places that think of self and circumstances.
“Lord, where is your grace today?”
And like the whispering wind that surprised Elijah on the mountaintop, the slightest breeze shifts the green coconut trees. My eyes glimpse pink jungle blooms and jungle houses silhouetted against blue sky. I see the remaining gold and orange of the sun almost risen.
“My grace is all around you.”
“And it came about when Elijah heard it,
that he wrapped his face in his mantle…” 1 Kings 19:13
And I too wonder if I should cover my face. For his glorious grace truly is all around. And I am saddened at the depths of my blindness, saddened by the days when I ask God for fire or earthquake, obvious in-your-face revelations of Him. I ask for Him to prove Himself. How utterly wretched.
But grace fights stronger than sin. And so I uncover my face and open my eyes and to behold glory, grace, beauty… Jesus. And He sends me into this day that started at 3 a.m. I know that graces makes me able- motherhood, marriage, jungle living.
“So He said, ‘Go forth, and stand on the mountain before the Lord.’
And behold, the Lord was passing by!” 1 Kings 19:11a
“And God is able to make all grace abound to you…” 2 Corinthians 9:8