In the quiet I read words from the page, trying to really understand them. I’m reminded of times where I’ve been a part of some kind of team. In my mind I recreate scenes where we all put our hands in the middle, one on top of the other. Often the person whose hand was on the very bottom would, once everyone had both hands in the middle, pull their hand out from the bottom and put it on top. And then the new bottom-most hand would do the same, and so on.
This idea of team- this idea that I’m not alone, that there are a multitude of hands in the center. I think on this a little while. Sometimes the road feels lonely. Sometimes I am overcome by sadness and shame of not meeting my own standards. I see my failures as a wife, a mama, a missionary. And just as often, I forget that I have known the Fullness. I forget that God came down and Love drew near and in Him the entirety of grace came upon all of humanity.
“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth. For from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace.” John 1:14, 16
As I read the words I see His hands, coming on top of mine over and over and over again. Grace upon grace upon grace… Never failing, never ending. Just more grace. And more of Jesus, the fullness of God.
And I wonder how often I’ve tried to put my hands back on top. How frequently do I get out from under that grace, convinced that I have to do it all on my own. Or convinced that I’ve run out of grace, that I’m at capacity, “Sorry daughter, I’ve none left for you. I reserve extra grace only for the truly deserving…”
And isn’t that thinking just the opposite of grace?! For truly none of us are deserving. Because while we were still sinners, He died. And that’s why we have joined in that chorus for so long now: Amazing grace… Amazing grace upon grace. It has saved me and freed me and showed me once again that I’m never alone.
And I’m sure at some point my hands will wander back to the top of the stack. But I’m also sure that His will quickly follow, over and over again.